It's pouring outside absolutely beautiful. Sure I thought I was going to die, but the things I go threw to get to the rose *sigh*
               There is something loveable and comfortable about this place this old orange couch, there is something that draws me to this place day after day and night after night and it must be far too farfetched or educated for me to understand.
                There is a child in a toy race car, and out of the corner of my eye he looks like one of those wind up toys that you get from Micky D's or Wendy's. children are extremely complicated they live in a world of peek-a-boo. then peek-a-boo jumps up to hide-n-go-seek, the world of hide-n-go-seek is forced to shape shift into ghost in the grave yard, then sardines with the teen years where you hide in small places with teens of the intriguing opposite sex... then of course spin the bottle and 7 minutes in heaven and strip poker. the toyful fun tottling staged lasts until they can run, then ride a bike, then drive a car. Perhaps being a parent takes work, but learning all of those games and how to kiss and fit in is a lot more work. Perhaps the kid that looks like a wind up toy will find his first love and have his heart broken. Perhaps he'll be gay, or emo or popular smart kid who plays football and remembers when his mom worked in my favorite coffee shop and played in his race car and see his child play in a race car in a coffee shop and wonder if he looked like a wind up toy...

"And so I cry sometimes When I'm lying in bed  Just to get it all out What's in my head And I am feeling a little peculiar" - 4 non blondes - what's up

Wow i just went outside then came back in and its freezing in here.

Life as a whole is peachy... although i'm worried about spending time with Josh and someone seeing me with him and it getting back to Chris... so i cant hang out with him anymore but he's always at the rose where i always am... i just need to i dont know... just tell him that i'm not breaking up with chris. arg.

buuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

"So this is odd, the painful realization that has all gone wrong. And nobody cares at all,  and nobody cares at all. So you buried all your lover's clothes and burned the letters lover wrote, but it doesn't make it any better. Does it make it any better? And the plaster dented from your fist in the hall where you had your first kiss reminds you that the memories will fade." -Dashboard Confessional -The Brilliant Dance

I have a feeling that i will be in a happy relationship for a long time with someone i love, and even if we dont last for as long as we think we will...  i dont care... ask me if i care... "do you care?" NO!.. well kinda. i love him more than anything... and i'm glad that i didnt break it off for someone else. cause no one elses arms feel better around me then his. *sigh* i want a muffin.

"on a sunday morning" blah... double blah.

"at the corner story" yes i know that was my last song... but i love it... i do. So much shit is flying thru my head... it's all nuts... it's wacky.

"everyday i see your face i wish that i stayed" i have a feeling that, that those lyrics are going to bite me in the ass... big time.

i get to be the tamberine girl!

JeSs